Love, My Dear

Anxiety filled me up

Whenever you revealed your presence

Sincerity I felt

Whenever those brown eyes caught me

Ludricus I became

Whenever your voice jingled in my head

Whenever your face danced in my heart

Was it love

I wondered

But nothing ever came out of my brain

For my body can only say the unspeakable

For my mouth can only tremble as I thought of that fact

For my eyes can only see you in this vacancy

For my ears can only hear what others cannot

For this heart can only feel the unexplainable

“Love, my dear, love has found its way to me,” I thought

“Love, my dear, is asking

Whether or not you can accept it

Accept this love i have raised for you,” I told him.

-Naytica-

As Easy As Plants Grow

As simple as clapping hands could be

My mind and heart

Keep reminding me of you

As easy as a bird could fly

I can never stop thinking of how stupid i was

As difficult it is for a tiger to soar

I can never for get how much i love you

As crazy it is to see a turtle runs

I can never let go of you

I may have moved on

To another heart

So warm i almost thought it was you

So bright i almost believed it was you

So close to me i almost said it was you..

But somehow i know

How much difference you and him have

So far

Yet seem as thin as a red thread

That ties my finger

And never shows where the other end is..

Cause i still remember all about you

While my mind wanted me to know everything

About him..

Don't you know how hard it is

To have a heart

That walks two separate ways?

Don't you know how hard it is

To suffer from thinking about you

While i have promised not to?

Don't you know how hard it is

To feel such a pain from guilt

When i know i can never walk away from it?

As easy as plants grow

My words flow like the sun is not rising again

And the stars aren't sailing the galaxy again

Smooth and puring

Cause these words come from my inner heart

Wishing you will read it

Someday

Somehow...

-Naytica-

Losing and Emptiness

For me

Losing you means

Losing my dreams

Losing my hopes

Losing the smile on my face

Losing the colours of my days

Losing the happiness in my heart

Losing the warmth i have within me

Losing the peace i have yet to found completely

Losing the love i really don't want to lose

Losing my source of power

Losing my energy

Losing my mind

Losing,,,

Myself...

All that's left in my heart

Is not even close to ordinary

Cause

Sadness

Hatred

Dissapointment

Anger

Are piling up

I can't smile

I can only cry

I can only put an expressionless face

I can only put an empty look

I only see grey and black through my eyes

As dull as watching an old TV

As hurtful as seeing the Grim Reaper come

No more rainbows

Like the ones i saw when you're around

Cause you're gone

With all those things

Taking all the good things left in me

Robbing my life

Left me wandering with no direction

Left me being so pathetic

Left me being so weak

Left me being so fragile

Left me being so,,,

Empty...

-Naytica-

Jugun Ianfu

Tak lagi dapat berbunga

Tak lagi dapat bersinar

Tiada tersisa air mata

Tuk melampiaskan getir dalam diri yang ternoda ini

Tiada tersisa suara

Tuk keluarkan isak tangis

Tandakan getaran pedih dalam hati yang dihina ini

Tertutup senyuman tanpa hasrat

Keinginan untuk pulang pun tertunda

Hanya sedikit gula lah yang diminta

Namun bagai binatang kelaparan

Semua dilahap

Tak tersisa sedikit pun tuk Bekas Jepang ini

Hanya kebahagiaan tuk buah hati yang diminta

Namun bagai habis akan rasa iba

Tak dihiraukan semua jeritan hati itu

Sirna sudah

Harapan Manusia Kotor ini

Menunggu dewa dalam hitam menjemput

Menerima seluruh lekuk benang merah

Berharap tuk pulang secepat mungkin

Meringankan ngilu akibat liku perjalanan

-Naytica-

Perubahan Hidupku 2

Jauh di sana

Di arah yang kuharap sebagai ufuk timur

Dari sisi gelap semesta ini

Di tempat yan kuharap akan kembali terbit sang surya nan gemilang

 Kulihat secercah sinar

Putih,

Bersih tak ternoda

Tercengang,

Namun ku tak bertenaga tuk bangkit

Dan berlari mengejar setitik harapan itu

Yang entah menapa

Terasa akan sirna

Bila kuacuhkan adanya

Tanpa raga pun jadi

Kukejar setetes mimpi yang menjadi kenyataan itu

Hanya jiwa yang melayang

Dan naluri mengatakan inilah sayap kebebasan

Berharap kan menemukan

Apa yang selama ini

Kudoakan tanpa pernah mendapat balasan

Kumimpikan tanpa pernah mendapat jawaban

Kunyanyikan sepenuh hati dengan suara kebisuan

Uluran tangan

Begitu menggoda untuk kuraih

Begitu hangat dan terang

Lembut dan melebihi semua

Yang pernah terpikirkan olehku

Terbersit pikiran sang ular

Bahwa sekali lagi, inilah jebakan

Jebakan yang akan menyebabkanku

Terlempar begitu jauh

Dalam ke tengah neraka semesta ini

Kedua kalinya

Namun apa daya

Hati yang tersayat ini

Mengidamkan pengobatan

Perasaan yang hancur ini

Merindukan penyatuan

Tanpa banyak pikir

Dipenuhi oleh hasrat dan gembira yang membuncah

Kuambil keraguanku

Dan kulempar jauh

Hanya tuk menyambut tangan yang terulur itu

Yang sedari tadi kuacuhkan

Akhirnya terbukalah pintu

Yang selama ini hanya menyapaku dalam kekakuan

Jauh terpendam di bawah sadarku

Begitu megah

Indah

Namun belum terlihat juga apa itu dibaliknya

Menungguku sampai ke sana pada waktunya

Dan kali ini tak berhenti tanganku

Hanya memegangnya

Seperti yang selama ini ku percaya

Seraya tetap berharap

Kuputar pegangan pintu itu

Dan bertemulah aku dengan Surga..

-Naytica-